Everyone is getting married...
All of my friends....
Arranged marriage or love marriage...
A part of them as a friend always goes missing...
And here I am wondering,
How I am stuck up here.... At the same place...Going around the days like every other day...
Caring and trying to be there for everyone, Yet struggling to learn to be there for myself...
And I think of the love life I've had...
High school crush turned friend turned boyfriend...
Who fell for me because I cared for him,
And fell out of love when he thought I was clingy, and possessive, even though he himself wanted me to 'not talk' to my male friends...
Few years later,
My friend turned best friend turned into the person I loved more than anyone else..
But not loved back the way I wanted, and how it was for him just a friend with benefit thing...
Then This guy from an event, my broken 'needy' heart thought is the one..
Who again had no intentions for a relationship...
Another friend, who shared how he felt...
Who made me feel special,
And a little better about myself after all what I had been through...
Felt like that's the kind of guy I want...
Turned out, I wasn't his type...
And then this one guy...
Who is caring as hell! Sometimes clingy as helL!!
But my 'go to' person no matter what time it is...
No matter how stupid the issue is...
No matter how moody or rude I am...
But he still stands by.. Still loves me...
Still thinks I'm the best...
Even when I tell him about how much I miss this person I have been in love with...
Even though it hurts him like hell...
And then, The guys my mom dad want me to meet for marriage....
And I am just here.... Clueless...
Trying to focus on things I need to do now!
With the fear of how I'm loosing everyone a little with every new relation they get into...
Fear of not being enough...
Fear of not being wanted...
Fear of not being loved for my soul...
Fear of disappointing myself..
